@SlickestOfRicks: "Maybe connect two monocles together? Pretty good idea. I have to write this down." - the guy that invented the pen
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@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: So do you prefer cats or dogs? ME: *scanning the menu* I don't even see them on here. What page are you on?
@flouncingqueen: [airplane nose dives] *turns to kid behind 'Could you please stop kicking my seat!'
@TheDjinnTrials: I will be with you always and forever, even during the rough times, until the day we die. -Herpes
@Rollmaninoz: BREAKING NEWS: Man gets out of offending people by saying "present company excluded of course" after highly offensive statement