@badbanana: Maybe don't show me a picture if you don't want me to rate your baby.
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@DaddyJew: *slowly raises hand 20 minutes into an important office meeting* so there are no donuts?
@rickolantern: They grow up so fast. My nephew lost his first tooth Saturday night In a fight a with a bouncer
@hgracestewart: I try to live each day like it's my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
@CourtneyBale: [courtroom] Timothy: I was not involved Victor: Nor was I Lawyer: You could say it was a Vic-, Tim-less cri- Judge: You're all going to jail