@SoPunnyy: Maybe he went out for the knight?
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@online_shawn: Pardon the mess, the dog startled me and I threw my shrimp scampi into the ceiling fan
@AnemoneOh: Date: what kind of work do you do? Me: I dabble in real estate [Dad yells down the stairs] She visits open houses and eats the free cheese
@HrBry: Told my dealer I wanted a shitload of Coke but autocorrect changed it to shipload now I owe a Columbian cartel 18 million dollars
@tastefactory: I left a trail of rose petals leading to the bed and on the bed was a note that said "This is what happens to roses who cross me"