@ShittingtonUK: Maybe Hitler started WWII after being constantly attacked by time travelers.
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@JohnLyonTweets: If a woman looks sad, tell her "You'd be pretty if you smiled more" and you won't see her looking sad anymore because you will be dead.
@jergarl: Wife: Are you drunk? Me: I know this is a trick question so I'm going with no. Why? W: Because you're naked on the neighbors porch. M:...
@krisv_723: Fred realized too late that he should have bought a fresh sheet for his toga, when he walked into the black light party.