@weinerdog4life: Maybe I have a bunny in my pants, maybe that's why I'm putting this salad in my pockets, you don't know me.
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@POOPSCRUFFIN4U: Church is the worst book club ever. We've been talking about the same book for 2,000 years and most of us still haven't even read it
@meganamram: When singers at concerts hold out the mic for the audience to sing, it's like what am i, your maid
@weenbeans: will you marry me? "OMG YES! I love you!!!" *imagines typing only 4 characters for 'wife' instead of 'girlfriend' on Twitter* I love you too