@weinerdog4life: Maybe I have a bunny in my pants, maybe that's why I'm putting this salad in my pockets, you don't know me.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@tjcirimele: *cat lays on my leg* *I remain perfectly still for hours, so she won't leave* *I move half an inch* *cat buys bus-ticket for next town over*
@KarenKilgariff: LIFE HACK: If a public restroom is locked, violently yank the door handle over and over like a gorilla and never accept that it's occupied
@SodomyClown: If you're going to boast non stop about your pregnancy at least give birth to something fun like a puppy, a bouncy castle or a bag of weed.
@jazmasta: Nature fact: The female cat gives birth to the body and head of her kittens separately and has to screw the head in like a lightbulb.