@weinerdog4life: Maybe I have a bunny in my pants, maybe that's why I'm putting this salad in my pockets, you don't know me.
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@david8hughes: [at the aquarium] Son [pointing at a large tank]: daddy what's that Me: tank Son: no what lives in the tank Me: water
@HomeProbably: The circus serves as a great analogy for marriage. You're either walking the tightrope or holding a chair because you told her to calm down.
@AndyAsAdjective: Does the employee manual say I CAN'T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.
@sixthformpoet: The tragedy of Scooby-Doo is that whoever kept supplying criminals with such realistic prosthetic masks was never caught.