@: [some dude doesn't like me] who gives a shit [a cat doesn't like me] why

@iwearaonesie: Hell hath no fury like a toddler who can’t get the dinosaur on his shirt to eat its food

@WilliamAder: Got rid of all those dangerous Tide pods when I gave them away on Halloween.

@usermcuserface: Well, I made another trip around the sun. Might as well eat cake.

@_ElvishPresley_: what do tooth fairies do with the teeth they collect? what do they know that we don’t? are we getting ripped off