@Awesomemom10: Maybe if I answer the door naked the pizza delivery guy won't realize I paid with Monopoly money.
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@VeganZebra: Bully: Give me your lunch money Me (clutching my lunch sack against my body): My name isn't Money
@Reverend_Scott: WIFE: Why is the zoo calling us about a missing coyote? ME: [bleeding profusely] So... not a dog
@UncleDuke1969: I saw an image of the Virgin Mary on a pumpkin! It squashed all of my doubts... And, reinforced my faith in Gourd.
@AlexRogaski: [2 Years into Cosmetology School] Me:[applying perfect contours] When are we gonna start learning about space?