@TheMainlandBlog: Maybe if I do the opposite and let my kids eat off the floor, more food would end up on the table.
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@Xoolun: I came home from the gym today staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit. And all I did was sign up.
@Fingers_of_Fury: You're like that person playing Pictionary who draws something terribly and just keeps circling it.
@TheAdly: Why is your ass split vertically? Because if it was split horizontally it would clap when you're going down the stairs.
@mattwhitlockPM: This girl tweeted "You might be ghetto if you bring outside food into the movies." ...No, you might be stupid if you pay 4.99 for Skittles.