@TheMainlandBlog: Maybe if I do the opposite and let my kids eat off the floor, more food would end up on the table.
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@KevinFarzad: Real girls have curves. A real girl is just one long, continuous curve. Do not date girl unless she is a parabola.
@Matt_The_1st: "Dad, you were at 63%, so I unplugged your phone to plug mine in" *Drives ex-son to homeless shelter
@tastefactory: *tree falls in forest, quickly stands up and looks around to see if anybody heard it, brushes self off*