@TheDairylandDon: Maybe if you knew Garfield's parents were murdered on a monday by anti lasagna activists you wouldn't be so judgmental.
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@daemonic3: Helped my kid pick out a "famous past explorer" for a class assignment. Hope no one else in her class picks Internet Explorer 6.
@drhappyknuckles: Doctor: Ted, you're dying, Patient: My name's not Ted. Doctor (checking clipboard): Linda, you're pregnant.
@miliondollameat: me: wow the stars are beautiful gf: omg babe they really are me: u know who else is beautiful? gf: *blushes* who? :3 me: Harambe
@HousewifeOfHell: My kid's latest report card looks like someone with a stutter is trying to swear.