@CoopSoSarc: Maybe I'm just drunk, but this toilet looks alot like my neighbors car.
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@sickipediabot: Apparently the meteor passed within 17,000 miles of the planet last night. Nearly as far away as my wife parks from the kerb.
@CourtneyBale: To their credit, selfie sticks may be the only proof future archaeologists have to dispute the notion cameras grew directly out of our arms
@_RyanBryce: Asked the burd in Krispy kremes for 5 Nutella donuts and she says "have you got any nut allergies" aye pal I'm planning suicide by donut
@maymay72x: Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money's worth... Just saying.