@CoopSoSarc: Maybe I'm just drunk, but this toilet looks alot like my neighbors car.
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@tsm560: Falling in love is just like falling down a well, except one is dank, dark and scary, and can really hurt you, and the other is a well.
@stanleybehrman: Texting is a brilliant way to miscommunicate how you feel, and misinterpret what other people mean.
@phaggots: *about to rob a bank* "Okay, lets do this. Everybody, grab a gun" i dont need one "why not" i already have two *kisses biceps*
@JennyPentland: "Mommy, I don't wanna grow up and die!" "Oh. Well, you can die at any age, really."