@CoopSoSarc: Maybe I'm just drunk, but this toilet looks alot like my neighbors car.
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@CommonSavant: Mom: Why can't you be successful like your brother? Amazon: heh Optimus: But I saved humanity from Decepticons! Thanksgiving at the Primes
@Reverend_Scott: mugger: GIMME UR MONEY "All I have is this $5 grandma gave me on my birthday" [mugger pulls off mask revealing grandma] IT'S PAYBACK TIME
@sixthformpoet: I can never tell if a mother duck is being dutifully followed by her ducklings or chased by a gang of young duck criminals.