@F5X11: Maybe I'm not stalking you, maybe I just like your schedule
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@michaelianblack: As new head of Westboro Baptist Church, I'm expanding who God hates. To start: delivery guys, vegetarians, and people who do Sudoku.
@eggnook: Wife: What are you gonna do today? Me: Shower. W: ...what else? M: Make a new iTunes playlist. W: Wow. M: Might not have time for a shower.
@WilliamAder: Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a "gym."