@madamezooble: Maybe I'm the good kind of fat like an avocado.
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@ThisOneSayz: He: did you burn dinner again? Me: it's a Flambé. He: it's mac and cheese Me: it's French mac and cheese!!
@EliseRose5: When someone says, "Good luck with that'' they actually mean "Let me grab some popcorn so I can watch you fail."
@MomOnFire: Son: Mom, why are you always showing up at my school on chicken nugget day? Me: *literally salivating* Here to see you, buddy.