@JohnLyonTweets: Maybe installing Freudian Autocorrect was not the breast idea.
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@AdmiralAkbrown: The trouble with cops is if one's a douchebag you can't ask to speak to a manager.
@ErrenMichaels: *logs into Facebook *looks at pictures of people hugging their boyfriends *comments 'is that your dad' on all of them *logs out of Facebook
@alexwyse: Since it's impossible to know which period of my life is the middle, I've decided to have an ongoing crisis.