@JohnLyonTweets: Maybe installing Freudian Autocorrect was not the breast idea.
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@TheCatWhisprer: Accidentally switched the baby formula with coconut milk and now my newborn is complaining that her lullabies are "too mainstream."
@AmericanGent69: Danny Zuko: I got chills, they're multiplying... Sandy: Gross. You probably have a stomach bug.
@david8hughes: [first day as a soldier] Army guy: we deploy at 04:00hrs Me: where we going? Army guy: to war, soldier Me [setting alarm for 11am]: ok enjoy
@Just__J0: 17: Want to see a movie? Me: Sure. 17: Afternoon show only, so no one sees us together. Me: Ok. *Posts pic on IG. Tags all her friends.