@gwatts77: Maybe it's just me, but I know a few people that Cupid should shoot with a gun.
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@myonlymizztake: Just finished leg day with my new trainer and now I need to replace the stairs in my house with an elevator. Or shower in the kitchen sink?
@girlontapas: Diet app pops up "What did you have for dinner?" *looking at glass of wine* *turns off phone*
@ashmensch: It's the remix to ignition, I'm a terrible magician, I cut your grandma in half, And now my rabbit is missing.
@weinerdog4life: I don't think my blind date was blind, she read the menu and caught the basketball I threw at her