@junejuly12: Maybe money can't buy Happy but it can probably buy Dopey at a good price.
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@notbedelia: 911: what's your emergency? M: I'm out of ketchup. 911: miss I don't think u get how 911 works. M: I DONT THINK U GET HOW HOT DOGS WORK
@Beardson: There is a small dent on the side of this plane. It must have a... *Puts on sunglasses* "Airline fracture"
@batkaren: *lights dim in restaurant* DATE: did it just become sexier in here? ME: I CAN'T SEE MY MENU
@13spencer: A San Francisco man is running seven marathons in seven days on seven continents; he’s expected to be seven times as annoying about it.