@HrBry: Maybe she's born with zits, maybe it's methamphetamine
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@McNarstle: "He's gone too far." "He crossed the line between science & ethics." "He's playing God." -reaction to the amount of cheese I put in omelets
@therealeatwood: ME: [spraying hose to make a rainbow over a bear trap] WIFE: stop trying to trap a leprechaun ME: I really want a pot of gold or some cereal
@lakeanagirl: I knew my wife was having a bad day when she put her tampon behind her ear and couldn't find her cigarette.
@NicCageMatch: Just saw a girl wearing a "BAD GAL" t-shirt so I yelled "NO!" & smacked her on the nose with a rolled up newspaper.