@noogscorner: Maybe that neighbor without a Wi-Fi password isn't an idiot. Maybe he's generous. And an idiot.
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: I bet Hell is sitting in front of every person you know while a slideshow of all of your deleted selfies is played on a loop.
@web_supergirl: Cat got your tongue? Frog in your throat? Monkey on your back? Butterflies in your stomach? You may be dead in a field.
@DurtMcHurtt: Getting a neck tattoo is probably the coolest way to show your love for manual labour.
@JohnLyonTweets: My rum-raisin cake is gluten free. It's also raisin free. And cake free. OK it's just rum.