@wickedsuga: Maybe the baby wasn't on board. Maybe the baby was against the whole thing.
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@Tmoney68: BREAKING: Emotionally disturbed man gets into Trump Tower. He was stopped by security, but not before being named a senior advisor.
@liv_thatsme: Me: Will I be happy in 2017? (peers into crystal ball) Me: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN Psychic: I don't know; I've never seen one explode before
@rolldiggity: Hate when the cop is like, "Sir, have you been petting kittens?" and I say, "I petted a few..." as I open the car door and kittens spill out
@TheTweetOfGod: The only way to make conservatives feel threatened by climate change is to convince them the climate is gay.