@weinerdog4life: Maybe the raccoons threw away something very important. Did you ever think about that you big jerk.
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@Tmoney68: [Last supper] *breaks bread* This is my body *pours wine* This is my blood *plays Montell Jordan* THIS IS HOW WE DO IT *Apostles go nuts*
@mjohnny3: On Fridays, I always dress for what the weather is going to be at 3am when I drunkenly lock myself out of my apartment.
@Dr_awfulpants: [Water cooler] -Looks like you had a wild weekend! How'd you get the scratches? *flash back to me bathing my cat* -Uh, this chick bro. Yeah.
@yazminda12: Me: *levitating, a jumble of furniture swirls chaotically around me* Him: so, you still mad?