@jazmasta: Maybe the reason that goats are so angry is because they don't have hands to stroke those magnificent beards with while pondering quandaries
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@BruceForce: Rick Astley: Do you have any Pixar movies I can borrow? Me: You can have Cars, Toy Story & Ratatouille, but I'm never gonna give you UP.
@ilovepie84: When I smell weed coming from my neighbors house I call him pretending I'm the Mexican Cartel, and accuse him of stealing my drugs.
@NoogsCorner: Cigarette: Hey buddy. Me: I don't smoke anymore. Cigarette: But buddy. Me: NO. Cigarette: Buddy? Me: You do make a good point. Fine.
@IamEnidColeslaw: if Lindsay Lohan can call herself an artist, I can call myself a german shepherd