@jonnysun: maybe the white peopel who are scared of immigrants are only scared b/c they kno what white peopel did when they first immigrated to america
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@DirtyySouthMess: [To police.] "I want to press charges on my co-worker Steve." "What'd he do?" "Warmed up fish in the office microwave." "...Cuff him."
@GreenSmoke_: My girlfriend told me once that I need to be more affectionate. Now I have two girlfriends.
@KalvinMacleod: How to determine what party to vote for: 1) Calculate income 2) Divide by number of dependents 3) Subtract age 4) Download Game of War
@Coastiefish: Don't say "ATM machine". The "M" already stands for "machine". It's redundant. It's like saying "end result" or "racist Fox News Anchor".