@hippieswordfish: 'maybe the world wasn't ready for pizza perfume' i thought to myself as i hid in a dumpster, watching the townspeople try to eat each other
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@bobbiejo448: Someone please tell my mother she won't get a free iPod by clicking the links. She's convinced I just don't want to show her how to use it.
@RileyCaptain: Me: Goodnight mom I love you Mom: I have a boyfriend Dad putting arm around Mom: This loser giving you a problem?
@withanewname: Neighbor: It's July, you need to take down the xmas lights. Me: It's no worse than your stupid yard gnome. Neighbor: That's my wife.