@Brianhopecomedy: Maybe this lady is trying to perpendicular park.
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@pixelatedboat: Spiderman, Spiderman/ Does whatever a spider can/ Attends college/ Works as a photographer/ Just like a spider
@T_N_Crumpets: [Supermarket] Me: QUICK, WHERE IS YOUR FROZEN SECTION Assistant: Aisle 7 Me: GREAT [opens trench coat and 6 penguins fall out] let's go guys
@Chumpstring: [job interview] INTERVIEWER: what can you tell me about the last three years of your life ME: just that i hope they haven't started yet