@MariyaAlexander: Maybe your jeans are distressed because you're wearing them?
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@TheMichaelRock: Wife: what are you doing? Son: I’m in timeout Wife: did you make fun of Taylor Swift again? Me[from the other room] YES HE DID
@DaddyJew: That awkward moment when you look over to give another driver a condescending look criticizing their driving and you nearly wreck and die.
@thenatewolf: Guard: what do you want for your last meal? Me: anything? Guard: anything Me: the warden Guard: oooooo he ain't gonna like that...
@Jeffwni: Little Known Fact: Bon Jovi has five brothers: Bon Joi, Bon Joii, Bon Joiii, Bon Joiv and Bon Jov