@MariyaAlexander: Maybe your jeans are distressed because you're wearing them?
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@ShesAllNat: What if animals "were" injured in the making of a film. Do they list that in the credits? Tim hurt one monkey. He is very sorry.
@iwearaonesie: wife [gives me piece of fruit] Try this me: Tastes like hand sanitizer wife: Did you just use hand sanitizer? me: Yeah wife me wife me: Why?
@Kennedydp5: I couldn't remember my speech at a funeral today so I improvised with a magic trick and sawed the coffin in half