@UnethicalGnius: McDonalds could burn to the ground and I bet the fries would still be cold
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@thomaslennon: Dropped my son for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you're supposed to pick them up?
@papasuncle: If you watch 2016 backwards, it's a heartwarming story of how celebrities can come back to life just by trending on the Internet.
@rcromwell4: "Then, the handsome prince sees her dead body laying there and has to kiss her." "Ummm, what?" "Trust me, the kids will love it."
@Dawn_M_: People say eye contact is important when flirting, but when I put my finger in someone's eye they never seem to like it.