@lazerdoov: Mcdonalds showing people doing yoga in their commercials is like George Bush having a library named after him.
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@Rollmaninoz: Meanwhile at Wayne Industries... 'Hey anyone else think it's weird we make so much batman stuff here'
@PlainTravis: Co-Worker: Any of you ever smoke a turkey? Me: No, I always have trouble finding papers big enough to roll it in.
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: You put the wrong date on this. Me: Oh, yeah. The year change always messes me up. Wife: You wrote 1992.
@pecan_pie_1: When my toddlers are teenagers I'm going to wake them up in the middle of the night to tell them I'm thirsty