@lazerdoov: Mcdonalds showing people doing yoga in their commercials is like George Bush having a library named after him.
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@DRUNKdadding: You know when your cat looks at your kids like "thanks to you I've been out of food for 3 days and nobody's noticed" .....?
@trojansauce: [aquaman origin story] *falls out of boat* help! im drowni- oh... no, im good, actually
@NJFreudian: Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the town Not a creature was Tweeting, cause favstar was down.
@TeeJayRush: Laughing at your mistakes could lengthen your life. Laughing at your spouse's mistakes WILL shorten it...