@PyrBliss: McDonalds wants you to tell your family you love them because if you keep eating McDonalds it won't be long before you're dead.
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@envydatropic: Some people make mountains out of mole hills, some people make a competition out of crazy
@PetrickSara: The most horrifying thing I've ever heard: "MOMMY! MOMMY! I think I just did SCIENCE in the bathroom!"
@better_off_dad: Doctor: What seems to be th- Me: -Medicinal marijuana! Doc: I'm sorry? Me: Let's start with the answer, then work on the problem, ok?