@SirEviscerate: ME (a ghost): You know how Bill Nye used to say "don't try this at home"? Well, I did, and he kicked in the door and shot me in the face.
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@House_Feminist: A lonely rooster sees neon sign flashing HOT CHICKEN STRIPS, walks into Popeyes and cringes in horror as he drops his dollar bills
@R_A_Dadass: My wife has been binge watching episodes of snapped, so I cancelled my life insurance policy, and haven't slept or eaten in days.
@WilliamAder: Don't ask me if I have a safety pin if you're going to look at me all weird when I pull one out of my pocket and hand it to you.