@SirEviscerate: ME (a ghost): You know how Bill Nye used to say "don't try this at home"? Well, I did, and he kicked in the door and shot me in the face.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Mister_Gravity: I'm usually pretty inspired after watching a movie to try something I've just seen. [hunts for a movie about cleaning bathrooms]
@Prof_Hinkley: [emailing eHarmony match] Her: describe yourself Me: brown hair, kinda stalky Her: lol you mean stocky Me [through her bedroom window]: No
@squirrel74wkgn: [drive-thru at 2am] Whaazzuupp!? Lemme gets 12 tacos, 6 burritos, and a Diet Coke. Booyah! Neighbor's mailbox: ...
@_mindflakes: (boom boom clap) (boom boom clap) Daisy you're a dog you're a good dog Playing in the park Gonna eat some cool bugs today