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@envydatropic: Me - Actually goes for a walk
FitBit - You OK?
@PeachyPixel8: Be myself?
You don't care if I ever get laid again, do you?
@edfoxcomedy: "On your 1st day, find the biggest guy, and punch him in the face to show you're in charge."
- my advice to new teachers
@iSpeakComedy: My mother was so overprotective we were only allowed to play rock, paper.
@BromanConsul: GOD: hey can I have one of your ribs
Adam: what for
GOD: uhh science project
Adam: you hate science
GOD: look do u wanna get laid or not
@KKAlThani: Autocorrect just changed "what are your plans" to "plants". Yes autocorrect, I'm curious if they're growing roses or sunflowers?