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@envydatropic: Me - Actually goes for a walk
FitBit - You OK?
@jjhartinger: Just when I thought I had my life together. I found my missing shoe in the microwave.
@Parkerlawyer: My husband calls me Sugar and my dog's name is Sugar so when he says, "C'mere Sugar" there's an awkward stare down between me and the dog.
Him: So where are you from?
Me: According to my parents, I was born in a barn.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I'm so confused when the TV voice before a show I'm about to watch says, "For mature audiences only." Can I watch or not?
@LackOfShame: I'm uncomfortable sharing my feelings with you but completely comfortable standing next to a complete stranger while urinating.