@brynnester: [Me as a getaway driver] Ok before we set off does anyone need the toilet?
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@TheTweetOfGod: Every time you sing "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" I'm reminded how much I disapprove of My son's friends.
@Barknado69: Today I saw "Jesus doesn't care about your grades" written on the sidewalk in chalk and all I could think was "Thank god, he'd be pissed"
@SashaBrenner: One of the wheelchair basketball team players has been tested positive for WD40 :(