@brynnester: [Me as a getaway driver] Ok before we set off does anyone need the toilet?
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@pbear79: I cashed in my swear jar today... The guy at the Rolls Royce dealership said he'd never done a transaction in change before.
@ibid78: -What should we name this creature w/ big feet? "Bigfoot" -And this w/ saber teeth? "Sabertooth" -And this beaverduck? "Platypus" -wtf dude
@JasonLastname: Sitting here at Starbucks, everyone looking at their phones and only one person's noticed mine's a calculator.
@Marlebean: Boss: Staff meeting at 3:00. Me: I can't come, I'm allergic. Boss: But we're not serving food. Me: ... yeah now I really can't come.