@IrishVin: I love walking down the street smiling to myself. It really freaks people out. Especially if my trousers are round my ankles.

@XplodingUnicorn: Oh, you have dignity? Well I have nachos. I win.

@pixelatedboat: It's bullshit that dogs get their own heaven but we humans have to go to the same heaven as moths and tractors

@lizetagge: I love to give homemade gifts, which one of my kids do you want...

@MauriceBlitz: I want to invent a nap time machine, which is a time machine that takes you to times you could've napped and didn't.