@Girly_Pictures: Me as a thief
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@NewDadNotes: Corgi: why are my legs so short? God: that’s just what legs look like. Corgi: oh cool. [giraffe walks by] Corgi: God: you weren’t supposed to see that.
@tacos_y_cerveza: CW: Can I ask you something? Me: Don't talk to me until I've had coffee. CW: But you don't drink coffee. Me: *smiles and continues to work
@HatfieldAnne: A master's degree gives you the ability to speak with withering authority about why you didn’t finish your Ph.D.
@AmishPornStar1: Of course morning sex is better. You haven't spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.