@dave_cactus: ME AS SATAN: *holding a pitchspork*
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@AristotlesNZ: Dont lie about your job, just word it better. Ex: "I handle client transactions at a fortune 500 multi-national corp" vs "I cashier at KFC"
@MisterBombay: If I were a fashion designer I wouldn't spend any money on advertising but rather pay old people to wear my competitor's clothing
@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: what’s going on? ME: [locking the door] I haven’t had an apple in 3 days DOCTOR: [outside, stethoscope in hand] I can hear u breathing