@dave_cactus: ME AS SATAN: *holding a pitchspork*
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@ObscureGent: Me: Is that a web tattoo on your elbow because you like Spider-Man? Them: Naw, I killed 5 people Me: so you don't like Spider-Man?
@ShortSleeveSuit: Basic white girl [laughing]: Yasssss omg I'm dying! Takes Everything Literally Todd [shocks her with a defibrillator]: NOT ON MY WATCH!
@Shen_the_Bird: cop: this flat earther was ran over by a steamroller detective: i guess you could say it's [puts on sunglasses] really bright outside today
@TravLeBlanc: Everyone is just looking for that special someone who could do way better but chooses not to for some inexplicable reason.