Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

@davidkenny100: Me as the astronaut in that Martian movie:
"Day 1 I have enough food to last 459 days"
"Day 2 I now have enough food to last 170 days"

Me as the astronaut in that Martian movie: “Day 1 I have enough food to last 459 days” “Day 2 I now have enough food to last 170 days”
1 comments

COMMENTS

YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE

@BuckyIsotope: HORSE: *walks into a bar* BARTENDER: Why the long face? HORSE: Updog BARTENDER: What’s updog? HORSE: Not much just walking into a bar

1

@Xoolun: I was pissed when I dropped my iPhone in the toilet. Not as pissed as the girl I was trying to take pics of though.

116

@Elizasoul80: Michael Phelps just won another gold medal for taking the quickest bath.

1

@realHamOnWry: Probably the worst thing about getting taken down by a pack of Hyenas would be hearing them giggle while they eat you.

114

@SortaBad: "I have a coupon for a large 2 topping" "What toppings?" "Pepperoni & a small cheese pizza" "Sir you can't top a pizza with a smaller pizza"

45
↑