@thedayofthedot: It's not really murder if you're already dead to me.
@NOTVIKING: interviewer: so why do you want to be a driver for UPS
me: [thinking about the time they “accidentally” lost my package and how i’m going to “accidentally” lose one of their trucks] the benefits
@dxxnya: *in hell*
satan: dude you gotta stop following me around
me: I don't know anyone else here I feel awkward
@topaz_kell: Safety Tip:
Always have a loaded water gun ready to go in case of a home invasion by a cat burglar.
@3sunzzz: Teacher: Bob, how do you make a nail plural?
Dumb Bob: You add S.
T: *amazed* Yes! Come up to the board and show us.
DB: [writes] SNAIL
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