@Carbosly: Me blacking out when I'm drunk is God's way of telling me that what I do when I drink is none of my business.
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@tacos_y_cerveza: I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
@SondraDeeMe: Roasted beef is like regular beef except the cows family tells embarrassing stories about it, which are tough and tasteless.
@KentWGraham: I finally got some me time away from the kids. Two whole hours. It would’ve been longer but my legs went numb crouching behind the dryer.
@garrydavenport: The "eye for an eye" philosophy isn't exactly a level playing field if your grievance is with a cyclops.