@InternetHippo: Me (bumping into someone): Oh no, I’m sorry. Sorry. So very sorry
Talent scout for brand’s social media job: Young man, what’s your name
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@SamuelHLowe: Love is telling someone to go to hell and worrying about them getting there safely.
@XplodingUnicorn: How to parallel park: 1) Park somewhere else.
@PowKapowBoom: If I get kidnapped, I'll sing Christmas songs until they hang themselves.
@TheCrumbDiary: This is the worst carnival ever. I can't believe they blocked the street off for this. Sir, this is a crime scene.
@SaraMansford: Screw you, Burger King, if you really wanted me to have it "MY way" you'd have added alcohol to your menu.
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