@slimmy_shady: Me: Can I get you a drink? Her: I have a boyfriend. Me: Lady, I'm the bartender.
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@bdbdleeroybrown: I wish you'd told me you were happy just flirting on twitter. I've already bought plane tickets and murdered my wife.
@NickadooLA: I don't understand interventions. What's the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?
@sammyrhodes: Circle? Donut! Triangle? Pizza! Cylinder? Tater tot! - me teaching our 2yr old shapes