@ghostkrogh: me (checkin out at grocery store with 2 rotisserie chickens): hold up *i grab my phone although it didn't ring* sure i'll get 1 more chicken
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@withanewname: Friend: Bro, those were sick fireworks! Sorry about your eye, but I think the ER may be busy. Me: No worries, my wife made reservations.
@behindyourback: "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I did those things online"
@_davidlucas_: An egg with 28 followers says I'm not funny. So if you need me, I'll just be in the kitchen making an omelette.