@ghostkrogh: me (checkin out at grocery store with 2 rotisserie chickens): hold up *i grab my phone although it didn't ring* sure i'll get 1 more chicken
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@Home_Halfway: Anyone ever notice how the word "opinion" looks like "onion", and how if you cut into either, people start crying?
@cool_as_heck: Her: I have Netflix if you wanna come watch a movie :) Me: No it's ok, I have my own account [60 years later on deathbed] Me: Wait a minute
@WheelTod: [Lounging in hot tub] Paul the Plum: "I'm starting to shrivel up like a..." Pete the Prune: "Oh just say it, Paul. Like a what?!"