@rachxthompson: me: could my thighs get any bigger? *sits down* me: oh look now they're the size of Australia
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@KeetPotato: kid dressed as dog: "trick or treat" me: wife: "give him some chocolate then" me: "i don't want to kill him linda"
@hobo_hands: Having swords for arms was a terrible first wish but it was a genie and I blurt weird things out when I panic.
@Sulky_Girl: My therapist told me cats are not babys, so i let my let my baby shit in his office.
@Vodkantots: I'm incredibly flattered that my therapist thinks I should be in anger management. I've never even held an entry-level position.