@KKBowls: Me: damn, doc I'm losing my hair. What can you give me to keep it in?
Dr.: a plastic bag
@k_lli: My favorite part of the holiday party is getting to meet my coworkers' dates & find out who chooses to put up with these people for free.
@BrassBallsCJ: Most of my upper body strength comes from trying to push a grocery cart through the store with 3 kids hanging on it.
@ConanOBrien: I hate it when adults try to relate to youth using slang. Guess that’s what makes me a woke bae.
@TheCatWhisprer: Just got kicked out of Chipotle for knowing what I wanted when I got to the front of the line.
@Jez1: It's Saturday, so I'm as lazy as the guy who drew the Japanese flag.