@KKBowls: Me: damn, doc I'm losing my hair. What can you give me to keep it in?
Dr.: a plastic bag
@Jazzzzzmina: Me: I'm so over him
Vodka: No you're not, you should text him
Vodka: Yes! 25 times
@JulieSnark: "I shaved for this shit?" - All of us at one point in our lives.
@bobvulfov: DONALD TRUMP (45 minutes into watching wall-e): this film is not what i hoped it would be
@MyHairyLife: Spoiler alert: 2013 sucks too.
@SortaBad: tonight at the bar, ask a woman if you can buy her a drink. If she says yes, hand that lucky lady a Starbucks gift card and walk away