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@Vice_Queen: Me: Describe your love for me in one word.
Him: My what?
@BoogTweets: Me: Your hair smells so good. Which shampoo is that?
My Boss: This is inappropriate
Me: Your skin is so…
My Boss:*Turns off shower* OUT!
@BigHeb7: I just saw three dudes wearing denim shirts with denim jeans. Who's responsible for this shit? Canada? Was it you, Canada?
@eXentRic_: Holy Communion:
PRIEST:"This is the body of Christ. Take it "
ME:"Uum,can I instagram it first?"
*We laughed & then I was excommunicated*
@TheAlexNevil: *looks at fish tank
6: It's part cat and part fish?
Me: No it's just a fish
*Catfish maintains eye contact while pushing over treasure chest
@TylerLinkin: On date night my wife took me to a place where you make your own pottery. I made an urn.