@NewDadNotes: Me: did you accidentally shrink my clothes?
Wife: why do you ask?
Me: my t-shirts and jeans don’t fit anymore.
Wife: it’s probably cause of all the muscle you’ve put on recently.
Me: oh yeah [putting four corn dogs in the microwave] you’re probably right.
![Me: did you accidentally shrink my clothes?
Wife: why do you ask?
Me: my t-shirts and jeans don’t fit anymore.
Wife: it’s probably cause of all the muscle you’ve put on recently.
Me: oh yeah [putting four corn dogs in the microwave] you’re probably right.](/cache/123260.jpg)
@grimpossible: If you fall down in public the best thing to do is stay down, use your fingernails to dig your way to another country then start a new life.
@JohnLyonTweets: I canceled my plans to go swimming because it was threatening to rain. I was OK with getting wet but only on my terms.
@msdanifernandez: My uber driver asked me how my day was so I opened the door and quietly rolled into the road.
@MikeBigby: Knuckle tats: (M)(Y)(P)(A)(R)(E)(N)(T)(S) (W)(E)(R)(E)(R)(E)(L)(A)(T)(E)(D)
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