@BerylStedman: me: *dies* mom: no get up you still have to go to school.
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@ceejoyner: ENEMY: can you smell that? That's fear. ME: the baked goods? ENEMY: no. focus on your fear. ME: we must be knife fighting behind a bakery
@Alex_N_Chains: Truthful Tuesday: The last time I had sex, I was so excited afterward I fired my musket skyward, alerting the Confederates to our presence.
@garrydavenport: If my mobile provider started charging 3 times as much as their nearest competitor but there was no voicemail, I'd still stay with them.