@BerylStedman: me: *dies* mom: no get up you still have to go to school.
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@JB1971_: Before I die I want to see a dog run out of a butchers shop with a string of sausages hanging out of its mouth.
@joeljeffrey: When I kiss a girl, sometimes I dont know what to do with my hands, so I slow clap behind her head to make sure she knows I'm enjoying it.
@internetluke: [leaving HS reunion w/ date] Aren't you going to ask why everybody was calling me 'smelly boy' tonight? "Seemed pretty clear I thought"
@welfarehoe: CW: What'd you have for breakfast? Me: A bowl of Oreos. CW: Lol you mean Cherrios? Me: No.