@BerylStedman: me: *dies* mom: no get up you still have to go to school.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: [watching basketball] I bet these guys all have really big *husband stares at me* feet. And that's how you get him to turn off the game.
@LeBearGirdle: *Giving TED talk* Me: *points at guy* sir, reach under your chair! *he does and a mousetrap snaps* Me: trust no one *audience claps*
@Book_Krazy: Me: The new guy's a lumberjack? Boss: Yep Me: He seems nice... Boss: STOP Me: I'll bet he's good at... Boss: DONT Me: random axe of kindness
@SadieSkyNinja: If they cause you to have anxiety & panic attacks the majority of your relationship, move on. In related news, I just broke up with my mom