@JessiCanadian: Me: Do you have any mini-ipods in stock? Guy: what color? Me: Any color. Guy: We don't have any. You Sir, have achieved stupid greatness.
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@Australianimal: Taken 4: Liam Neeson's daughter is kidnapped again. He calls up kidnappers and says "just keep her. She's annoying and I'm tired of this"
@GrantTanaka: sometimes I wonder if Einstein's friends were ever able to say "nice work, Einstein" without sounding sarcastic
@MollyERA: "IF YOU'RE HAVING KNITTING PROBLEMS I FEEL BAD FOR YOU SON--" "stop rapping, Grandma" "--I GOT 99 PROBLEMS AND A STITCH AIN'T ONE"
@pembdave: Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07