@JessiCanadian: Me: Do you have any mini-ipods in stock? Guy: what color? Me: Any color. Guy: We don't have any. You Sir, have achieved stupid greatness.
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@davedittell: they say if you love something let it go but tell that to my dead husband I dropped into a volcano from this helicopter and he'd disagree
@Fred_Delicious: Fun fact: Snakes don't exist. They were made up by scientists in 1923 as a joke that went too far so they just kinda rolled with it
@simoncholland: [at preschool open house hearing nut allergy policy] *raises hand* What if I draw a peanut on her napkin? Wife: Please go wait in the car
@Dutch_50: Instructions in the Men's Room for hand washing. Because non-hand washers can't be bothered unless there's an opportunity to learn stuff.