@Skoogeth: me: do you want to play some ps4?
me: no we only have the playstation
@Mr_Kapowski: The reason why a grilled cheese and tomato soup go so well together is because it’s basically pizza split into two foods
@BigBBanter: Girlfriend said she felt she looked fat, tired, and ugly. Said she needed a compliment. I told her that her eyesight was nearly flawless.
@iscoff: Mirror mirror on the floor, who's the worst at home decor?
@huntigula: [job interview]
Last test: put ur hands on the desk & don't move [plays 'In The Air Tonight']
[I begin violently shaking as drum solo nears]