@mrtruthandsoul: Me: .... Dog: ... Me: .... Dog: ... Me: ... Dog: ... Me: .... Dog: ... Me: ... Dog: ... Me: ... Dog: have the shrooms kicked-in yet? Me: ..
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@jazmasta: [first day as a doctor] You seem depressed. Also you look underweight, how's your diet? [nurse interrupts me] "Dr that's the model skeleton"
@Tups13: I hate when I think of a great tweet and discover someone did it already. It's like that time I invented the wheelbarrow.
@simoncholland: One good thing about having kids is that they are sick every time I get invited to something I don't want to do.