@ThaJawn: Me: *empties 4's maracas
4: *shakes maracas* They're broken
Me: Oh no.. What happend?
@therepoguy: Giving me a Milkbone after sex does not make it doggy style
@CrapLocalNews: Breaking news:
@amishschool: My mother talks into the phone like a combat soldier calling in air support.
@jonnysun: phd thesis: the amoumt of property damage depicted in a action movie is directley proportional to its budget
@rachelle_mandik: HIM: If you're upset that people think you're weird, have you tried being less weird?
ME: [eating ice cream with chopsticks] Yes.