@ThaJawn: Me: *empties 4's maracas
4: *shakes maracas* They're broken
Me: Oh no.. What happend?
@ThingsIGrewUpOn: But that's none of my business
@thebabylady7: Me: Man, I'm exhausted! I'm going to get a good night's sleep tonight.
Toddler: hold my sippy cup
@DanMentos: *gets home from game*
"whoa what happened to your eye"
I was on the Kiss Cam
"oh she wasn't into it?"
with the t-shirt cannon guy's daughter
@Parkerlawyer: My husband took 18 to a music festival and just texted me that he was “going in the mosh pit” and I didn’t have the heart to tell him I don’t think they call it that anymore and also he’s 49 and probably won’t survive that.
@Sassafrantz: Him: She's always doing magic tricks
Therapist: Is that true?
Me: Check your pocket.
[he pulls out a piece of paper with 'NO' written on it]