@Yes_ImAmy: Thank god we don't have thought bubbles above our heads. I'd be in trouble 99% of the time.

@craiguito: First rule of double entendre club is please let us know if you're coming

@panmidwest: ME: [walking down the street clearly counting with my fingers] WIFE: you could just- ME: I'm not paying for another Fitbit, Jenn

@ZachWeiner: "How do you speak with an American accent?" "Well, imagine vowels killed your parents, and you're out for revenge."

@pleatedjeans: A Jurassic Park movie where nothing goes wrong just 2 of the employees fall in love & later a baby dino is the ring bearer at their wedding