@PimpBillClinton: To all the chicks on Twitter who complain about never getting laid, turn your location on.

@navanax: I think semi-colons have gotten a bad rap. They should be re-branded as super-commas.

@WetzelGeek: Hand a baby a fork and he looks like a young Poseidon.

@bryanmcc74: Since joining twitter I've started 2 new collections .......... Dust and cobwebs !

@drayzze: I wish I had a bear so I could take him hiking and camping So if we ran into other bears, he'd be like "It's cool, man, he's with me."