@Karate_Horse: Me: [getting stabbed by criminal] buddy this seems illegal
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@ojedge: [packing for holiday] WIFE: U don't have to only put suits in a suitcase ME: [putting underwear in briefcase] I don't make the rules Karen
@BoucheDag2k: Just went to the mens room & came out to an empty office. Either the building is on fire or there is cake in the break room. Win/win
@jakob_huber: On a bad dinner date? Bump the table with your knee to make the water in your glass ripple. Claim a T-Rex is coming. Sprint out the door.