@Karate_Horse: Me: [getting stabbed by criminal] buddy this seems illegal
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@ComedicBust: [History Channel] Veteran: [terrified] And then he died. Reporter: But what was it like only having to memorize 1 password for everything?
@NurseMurderer: I see your Full House and I raise you 3 episodes of Home Improvement. -Me, not knowing how to play poker, but loving 90's TV
@minivansandgin: Hear toddler having meltdown at Target Me: Parents should control their kids! Cashier: Isn't she yours? Me: C: I saw her come in with you.