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@EJGomez: me: goodnight moon
moon: i have a boyfriend
@adam_bloomquist: If I was a girl named Isis, I'd be pissed that half the people decided to change my name to Isil.
@dumbbeezie: If commercials want people to look at them they should all start with the sound of a phone vibrating
@KevinFarzad: Not to brag but my bank says I have an outstanding balance.
@BeardSpice: "I'm pregnant"
Are you kidding
@philmann: I'm the opposite of a bee keeper. I lose bees all the time. I left a hive on the train today. Just accidentally threw a bee at a nun.